A Part-Time Prostitute III

As a food addict, I grew addicted to her tajines. A voice ringing in head, superstitiously, saying: “your mom warned you hundred, thousands of times not to accept food from strangers”. Oh well, here I am all-bread-slice-between-fingers-dipped-down-some-yummy-sauce, a Meknessi tajine to be credible. Mom, we only live once. 

Our meetings continued and I grew found of her.

She is not as shallow as I suspected she’d be. She is just a woman who's beeing exploring her desires, and enjoying red wine, cigarettes and men. I mean, after all that’s what most men do, right? Sleep with whoever they want, drink as much as they want, wear whatever they want and go wherever they want. The only difference is that women are labeled and classified in accordance with their runabouts, with what they do with their own bodies, what they wear and where they go to. A man exploring his desires and whoring around is seen as a stud and symbol of manhood; slight is the chance he’d be called about it, even in his mother's eyes, he'd be "just a man doing what men do". A woman exploring her desires and whoring around is seen a whore and symbol of rottenness, looseness, unchastity,.... The chance she’d be called about it….. in her mother's eye......

No, am not a feminist. No, I don't call for societal gender equality. I'd rather enjoy gentlemen-ness, definitely. But, I believe in gender equality before Allah. Most of the time, women are classified in accordance with religious standards. Women must cover themselves because religion says so, women should be chaste till marriage because religion says so. Women should not explore their sexual desires because religion says so…… Well, have we forgotten something? Yes, men! Men too should comply with these directives. Men too have private parts to cover. Men too should be chaste till marriage. Men too should not explore their carnal desires because guess what, religion says that too. Will women be the only ones subjected to Allah's punishments? 

In my society, you often hear a man, who screwed every moving thing around him, talking about his future wife, her chastity, innocence, non-experience, about how he should be the first to conquer her, and why a candy exposed to the public is not a whifey matter. Oh yeah, I remember an analogy I heard not long ago depicting a woman’s flower as a ‘lock’, and that if this ‘lock’ can be opened by any key, then this ‘lock’ is useless. But, WHAT ABOUT THE KEY THAT OPENS EVERY LOCK?

……………….To be continued

A part-time prostitute II

Though living under the same roof, I and her only meet in the evenings given my timetable and her working hours. I honestly didn't have the intention to socialize, neither with her nor with our other flatmates, but well. She often knocked on my door inviting me to share a meal - she is a very good tajine cook - or a glass of tea. Sometimes I refused, sometimes I accepted. She wondered, on my first visit to her room, whether I minded her smoking. I said I didn't as long as we kept the door and window open, I hate it when my hair stinks.

Our talks varied from gossips, to weather forecast, food, shopping, her job, my school. Yes I was curious to know her story but I didn't fish for it, simply because I, I actually don't know. Eventually,  one evening, she deliberately spoke about her origins, her childhood, her friends, about everything. She is from the region of Meknes, orphan and has two brothers, both married, one living in the same city and the other living in another. “I used to live with one of my brother, his wife and their little kid. Things started to go south, I no longer could see eye to eye with his wife. We fought more often. My brother stayed neutral. Fed up as I was, I rented a room of my own. I started working in a shoe factory. The salary is low but I am just fine.” 

Absentmindedly, she continued:“I work from early morning to 4 P.m. At the time I was living with my brother, instead of going home, I used to go to a café, to eat and smoke in peace. I just wanted peace. I didn’t eat with them, I only went there to sleep at night. Yet, I more than helped financially. His wife is ungracious. My brother was aware of what was happening but he kept his mouth shut. That’s all I can say.”

I could tell she is far off to the time when her parents were alive, when she lived under their wings, protected, unharmed, worried about doing the dishes or playing with her friends only. I could tell. Her eyes looked sad and tearful. Her face aged ten years. A puff from a cigarette placed between manicured and polished nails brought her back to the now; Then she would look at my untouched, now-cold tea glass and my half-bitten Moroccan pastry, and make a joke about how I am dishonoring my Sahraoui roots by not drinking the tea.

........................To be continued 

Girls' Union

One week or more, you cannot figure it out, nevermind a calendar
"Better late than never" doesn't apply to this
It's physical, it's emotional, it's psychological, it's every-ical
You hungry, yearning for food with no appetite
Mouth watering over silly things you don't normally enjoy
Eying food like a deprived child in front a candy shop
Foodgasms till you pupils delite, till your eyes shed tears
Mentally disturbed, you emotions overflow and overlap, undecided -ly
You wanna laugh, you wanna cry
You wanna live, you wanna die
You wanna workout, you wanna lay down
Mind, please make up your mind
Showing maniac behaviors, skeptical about your looks
Friends replace mirrors with mirrors ain't around
Friends not minding to be a butt reflection willingly and still
You keep checking and rechecking
You make them check and check
You keep checking, you know damn well it is going to happen
You keep counting, you know damn well it might as it may not happen
Symptoms worsening, near the due day
Waking up, dead tired as if a secret fight club and you don't know it
Waking up, wild awake, wild aroused, wild weird
It is happening, hoping the worst happened while unconscious, sparing you the trouble,
But no, no! whom are you kidding?
It is a bitch and gonna act and be so about it
Making you want what you don't want
Feel what you don't want to feel
Wear what you don't want to wear
Do what you rather don't
Oh well, goose bumps all day long, in hysterical state
Shivers running up and down your corpse, making every single hair stand in ovation for the "bitch"
Head spinning, face shallowing, breath ragging, posture curving, stomach upsetting
Washing sensations of hotness, of coldness, of sickness, of happiness, of weirdness
In you head, a picture of knife stabbing into your walls keeps playing
That's your interpretation of the pain down south
Wondering sometimes if your surroundings would sense the homicide scene down south
Faux-sensation of leaking, melting, flooding, or isn't?
Checking, double-checking, mirror-friends playing
Day 1, day 2,... the worse had happened
Day 3, day 4, die-bitch, till our next meeting

هلوسات منتصف الليل

فبلادي،
الهدف الأسمى هو المظهر، والمظهر والله تعالى يشوف من حال هاذ المنظر. كنشوف المشاريع الكبرى لكيتم تشيدها فمدينتي ولكن متنفرحش ليها. علاش، بكل بساطة حيث كلها عبارة عن مظاهر عملاقة، مثلا ناخذو مشروع أكبر مسرح فالقارة الافريقية على حنا عندنا شي انتاج المسرحي؟  ياك هو منعدم وحتى ايلا كان متنعطيوهش الدعم لا المالي ولا حتى المعنوي اللازم ولا حتى الأهمية لي يستاحقها، أصلا الانتاج الفني عامة ذو بنية راشية، لا ساس لا راس الا ما رحم ربك.
المهيم، كنبيو القناطر، صلة الوصل بين الضفتين، مني كتشوف مخطط المشروع، فيه غير الزواق، وضواو، وشوية دالزفت، لكن واش غادي يحل الأزمة ديال السير والاكتضاض لي كيعانيو منها سكان العدوتين طلبة وموظفين؟ الله وعلم، واش عندو أفق ولا بحالو بحال القنطرة لي الطومبيلات حتى هوما تعلمو يديرو مثنى مثنى ولا يدوزو شي عويمات ديال الباكور وتنتاهي مدة الصلاحية ديالو؟
وتجزئات وشقق فارهة على ضفاف الرقراق لي تستهدف بطبيعة الحال الطبقة الفوق بورجوازية بصحتهوم، والله يزيد من حسادنا.
الغريب فالأمر هو أن حدا هاد المشارييييع، ناس عايشين فالقوارب وسط الما، وناس ناعسين فالزنقة وناس مازال فدور الصفيح نقصاهوم أقل أقل أقل الأشياء باش يعيشو بكرامة فبلادهم.
الحاجة لي كنحيي دوك الناس عليها هي العلو ديال البنايات، حيث والحمد لله ماشي بحال البيضاء، معندناش ناطحات السحاب ويلا كنتي فشي جهة عالية تقدر تشوف حسان ولا شالة من الجهة الاخرى.
اه، والمنتزه ديال ناس ديال Skate Board، فكرة جميلة جدا، لكن واش انفتحوه فوجه الشعب ولا تبزي الفلوس عاد تدخل من حال بعض الملاعب الرياضية لي تم تشيدها مؤخرا، الله عالم.
من هنا لحين يتححقوا هاد المشاريييخ، خاصك 2 ساعات باش تشد نوبا ديال المركوب باش تمشي للرباط فالصباح، خصوصا يومي الاثنين والخميس، ونفس الشيء فالعشية من الرباط للدارك، هادشي ايلا كني من صحاب الطواكس، اما الخطافة تيخطفوك لدارك خفا زربا، وخصوصا ايلا كان الواشمة قريبة، كيوليو عندهوم الجناوح....
ومن هنا لتما ربي تما
#هلوسات_منتصف_الليل

هلوسات ما قبل منتصف الليل

كثيرا ما يقال أن حدس الإنسان قليلا ما يخيب وكثيرا ما يصيب. وحدسي يخبرني أنني لن أعمر كثيرا هنا، أيامي معدودة. وفي صرتي الكثير والكثير من المنى والأحلام التي أبغي تحقيقها، منها الدنيوية ومنها الاخروية. وما يزيد هذا الحدس من قلقي، ليس قلق مواجهة الموت أو مفارقة قرة أعيني ورفقاء الدربي، بل قلق تحقيق الأماني، ماذا أسبق وماذا أتلي؛ ومن أشرك ومن أقل، وكيف أسير وكيف أكمل. من الممكن أن يخيب حدسي هذا ومن الممكن أيضا أن يصيب. أكذب وأقول أنني اكتفيت من الحياة وما أحوجني الى الممات، وأتذكر الوجوه الذابلة والعيون الباكية والقلوب المنفطرة وأقول لن أرحل حتى يرحلوا لينفطر قلبي لموتهم أحن وأرحم من أن ينفطر قلبهم لموتي. لكنني لن انتظره بل سأمضي قدما، على أقدامي أو على نعش فوق الأكتاف سأمضي...